How do you
react when there is a woman that you love, who is in a relationship with
another? Do you fight? Do you flee?
Do you walk away? I ask each of
those questions to myself with no answer.
A little
over a week ago, I found out that a woman, who I am pretty sure I love is going
out with someone else. This shouldn’t
have surprised me, but it did come as a big surprise to me. It explains why she said she wasn’t
interested at the end of community group.
Perhaps she thought I knew, which is why she might have said yes to
coffee, but I had completely misread the situation. I thought she was ending a relationship with the
guy’s brother rather than being in a relationship with him. This led to me giving out more of my
emotional feelings towards her, than I had ever communicated with someone whom
I truly liked or loved.
I had
previously shared my feelings with one other person whom I trust completely
about this lady, and he had hoped that I would have a chance to share how I
felt about her. Well, to a large extent,
I did share what I felt about her, but now am left in a situation that is not
quite completely new, but that is rare in my life. Someone knows how I feel about them, but what
to do next is unclear. I know that I
can’t pursue her right now and perhaps never.
The not knowing certainly that never is the option that is true makes it
very difficult to decipher what course to take.
There is
another lady, who I think is incredible in many ways. She loves Jesus whole-heartedly and is always
speaking of Him. If there is anyone that
I know that I should pursue; then she would be the one, however, my heart is
not over the one whom I loved for almost a year. I don’t want to dwell on impossibilities, but
my heart is not yet letting go.
Do I need
to make my heart let go with action? Force my
affection to change? Seek comfort in
another and be made to forget my previous affection? Scream?
Rage? Beat my fists against the
losing of a light? I do not know what to
do.
I cry out
to God! Make my path clear! Is the prayer; that I had previously prayed;
to be answered with a No? I do not know
that answer now, so for now I wait until there is a clear light for my path.
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